Thao

10 years ago

today

marks my loss of you, my angel. You're the reason that I write, you're the reason that I laugh. You're the reason that I swim in the ocean, and you're the reason that I can't let go of lovers, like a moon circling an absent planet, defying the rules of gravitational pull. You're the dark days I lie in bed, and you're the sun-filled adventures that ruffle my hair. You're me when I was 12, brooding life and death, forgiving my father. You're the girl who had so much hope, you're the girl who hurt so much, she contemplated alternatives. You eat the cold air out of the early morning sky, you feel the sand-gravel-dirt-grass under your bare feet, God you love you love so hard you break from it, you weep fearing the world is crumbling from failure, the pain emitting from your chest. You self-loathe, and you fight for that sole child-like innocence of me - me when we were best friends and I was only a little girl until the moment you died.

Thao,
you're me.

I love you so much. Thank you for being by my bedside always as I pray-love-sigh at night.

Angry at Borders

Plays that I want are by Sarah Ruhl and Sarah Kane. Departing from male playwrights. For now.

Day 5

I woke up with my fifth day of nosebleed. I stopped smoking, drinking caffeine, and I'm swallowing five bottles of water everyday. Mayhaps it's time for me to get help.

Polka Dotted

I'm in love with my life right now.

Bartered Bride Opening Night is Tonight!

Sonnet 20

Poetry is the most specific language. Its ambiguity within limits renders interpretation infinitely, thereby reflecting humanity's views of life.

Palm Tree

Today was almost perfect.

But now I am completely pissed. So easily irritable. I don't want to trust anyone anymore. Ever. EVER.

10th Anniversary of Columbine

In 11 days is Thao's ten-year wake. I can't believe it's been this long since you've been with me.

Toasted Coconut

Tell me when you do.
Why?
So I can stop kissing you.

...I'll tell you.

No Country

I'm not to be given idle time.
I'm addicted to exhaustion.

Splitting Vines

It's still there. That rotting organ in my body.

I am such a fool.