Babies Want God's Love

Fevers are not my best friends. It's not so much the illness - the hot and cold sweats, the heavy headaches, the dizziness, the want to sleep - but the dangerously vivid fever dreams. In the last 24 hours, I've had enough of these fever dreams; I've slept for 19 of those hours. Even the implications of my dreams caused me to wake up this morning imagining something so different, if I made the choice today, my life would be entirely different, but not at all if I don't give in to it. Last night's dreams led me from person to person - in terms of my relationship with them. I dreamed about my mom - and my father. I dreamed that he still knows how to take care of me, and he understands me completely, seeing me as I am. I dreamed about boyfriends, about my childhood best friend, and I struggled over the pseudo-memory of friends who have left me. It was like an evaluation of my life - through relationships. Lately, I've realized how reserved I can be, how intimidated I become around certain people. Now I see that I was always a quiet child, scared of people and judgment and happiness. It's only recently that I found out that human connection is key to my self-discovery and a fulfillment stronger than anything else, which I've completely denied. The change is happening, and I will take these dreams and save them in my box of knots.