a man destined to drown can never ever burn

It was dark and they waited and they expected me to be the focal point but what can I do Im not what they think I am but they know that already they know something that I dont know the hurt was insane and yet we kept plundering on as we smoked out of car windows and she drove me my cousin drives through the windy cliffs damn eagle stood so close he was as tall as a man and when he turned I saw the loneliness and was afraid I pointed out the wrapped eggs hanging from the trees because theyre new life and we can never deny life as much as the death like that blazing black-orange sunset in the canyon your mother still cares and that makes me hurt I walked into your cave because you abandoned it and touched your clothes and cleaned for you because your smell still lingered there I thought I was in the Saratoga hills driving windy roads but these canyons and caves belong to you and when I sat down they told me that we share new life like eggs children and I looked at my legs and saw that I bled heavy and I cried and cried because I lost new life with you on several occasions and still resent you for it to this day even though its my fault your fault I can't say ours why your sister was in my dreams I dont know but for the first time she talked truthfully with me and swimming in your scent I wanted to die because you were close but you had left and abandoned me and your cave and I wallowed but they told me you were coming coming back how can he leave you and I still can't understand why they would say that I no longer believe that you love me anymore and it wrangles me so roughly I spend a century of darkness mourning for that bond for me poor me but not you God you mighty spirit who has this power over me you selfish boy I want to tell you that youre nothing but a boy but not when you father my blood govern my very being why cant I admit that this is a horrible place to be in and youre not worth it why cant I just let go youre attacking me in my dreams for chrissakes and now when this thick warm life flows out of me freely from between my legs I can only wish keeping your physical imprint poor thing now flushed out into nothing space instead of growing growing with me and growing with you together like family oh I wish this would pass I wish I can grow up but what does wishing do goddammit a year ago we were taking road trips and making love by beaches and losing cars and schrooming and pardon me for being sentimental but a year ago I was carrying your baby and all of this time Regina sang to me and told me that however I want my fate will be determined by preference of dying a man destined to hang can never drown a man destined to drown can never burn a man destined to fry can never ever ever die in any other way lucky that I want to die by drowning you told me it is the worse way to die possible and I laughed and told you that I breathe water but you couldnt drown youre scared of the water and you think its a horrible way to die besides you drown everyday in your circumstance and choking on your bullshit making excuses for your way of life as a preference and thereby hindering yourself from anything everlasting and fulfilling but somehow you want it to be this way and I want to respect you for your drowning as much as I respect my choice of drowning so now we call it even.