I watched myself hide. I sought out attention, but when I received it, I refused it.
I was attracted to people who I could co-feel with, those who could relate to me.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to sit with you for so long, Bryan;
you don't relate with me, and you don't offer the expression for me to relate with you.
The kind that feels dark and lonely and passionate and deep.
I always get this feeling that I approach you because I need to be saved from something,
but that's heart-wrenching and disappointing. I just want us to feel together.
It's so clear to me now that I want to feel you so much closer.
I'm not trying as hard as I used to to shake that out of relationships.
Meisner has taught me that what I have is enough, and if that Enough
is growing deepening grooves for us to relate with and to Love by,
that is true and simple happiness that I never thought I had deserved.
Also, I've never met a man who I will allow to meet me dead center with relating.
I feel like I wouldn't be attracted to a man who would be able to.
The best co-feeling experience recently that I've had has been with Lucy,
and I know that 85% is because she is a woman and we feel as One.
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