I can see a lot of light
red tapered toes entangled
in hammock mesh rocking
to the splays of sunlight
buzzing on the brown of my skin
lighting the hairs on my arm
fueling this tender soul
with feathered amber
I have seen this light
and its energy runs in me
the child that needs nurturing
cried loudly when the healer hooked
her fingers into the folds
of my heart, punctured and wounded
inside was this frightened girl
"to be seen is a terrible thing"
it's okay, I see you and
oh! you hurt, and that hurt
was devastating and long ago
I whimpered when her fingers
mingled at the hurt, touched me there
the little girl coiling in terror
the heart that collapses,
the heart that implodes
from of all of its feeling
I felt all the wronging
that has been done to me
and the shame of the
wrongdoing that I had inflicted
in seemingly fair retribution
and that was when I saw it -
the light that is my love
I saw the shame of loving
and how I withheld it
in fear that it will turn
its starry face to me
and bite out my fragile heart
I see that I am not fragile
I am a Woman whose caves
of vast feeling and love
is a Woman gifted with the
heavens within her caves
I see that my love is my gift
my love is the doorway
to the wholeness of my Essence
that the love that I extend
is especially for me
that my love for my Self
is the gift to all
through impassioned writing
that I am loud and quiet both
that even shipwrecked and impossibly messy
I would walk up the shore with no less beauty in me
that I sing in a voice that belongs so exclusively to me
that it is anchored so fast to my soul
that I cry at night listening
to the the wonders of my Beauty
living in Song and Music and Poetry
my love and art is my fucking gift
and it is empowered, enamored
by the love that I have for myself
I am no longer ashamed
I am no longer hiding
this love that I felt was for
some time a burden and a curse
that I had felt too much
and expected too much
and only felt the compound
of Hurt in old salty cuts
No Longer
Instead
I seize the world in a way
that I admire in my gut
I can grow old listening
to the child's laughter in my bones
I walk, everyday,
into the terrible mess of life,
and because I survive,
because I cut my teeth
on the human fact of survival
I can share joy,
heap it on others
in bucketfuls
I can see so much in others
I am luminous in all forms of love
I strike chords with my history
forms, words, expression
because when I am open and beautiful,
I can connect with anything -
gnarly human beings, infants,
hummingbirds, the spring wind,
weary souls and fragrant pavements
whose stories I can feel
with the hardness of my feet
I can and always will want
the access to my yearning that looks
like a bird freed to life-journeying
and I love my heart aching
because it is my way of knowing
that I feel, therefore I am Human
I love my Darkness, my Harness for Hate,
the self-loathing that is just
the prickling exercise
of wanting more for myself
I can know myself all my life
or from just last night when I woke up
and feel that I've only scratched the surface
I love my cheeks
and the beautiful inlays in them
extended to my wet waiting mouth
I am worth the pain of everything
the joy of me is voluminous and sustaining
and I love the word 'sustain'
I can hold hands with my love
and we do believe in the same fairies
happiness will not be a myth to me
I believe in the goodness in others
an acceptance and belief
that is priceless and ought to be honored
I am a tenuous shot
but a bright shiny shot
and I am shiny
all of this means love
and I am loving, loving
and it is the beginning
of a beauty that is my gift
the girl long ago
no longer has to protect me
she is free to play
because the woman in me
has come to provide
and she will take care
of the girl and myself
and this woman
will take up her space
her mantle, her gift
and she will not be
afraid to use it
I write, sipping tea
and the light that I see
is the glow that is in me
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